Awareness | Intention | Purpose

You are under surveillance
you so are being watched.
They are waiting for you
to slip up even if that be
for a very brief moment. 
So they could point at you
so they could question you
so they could have a laugh 
at your entire belief system, 
tell you that you’re hypocrite. 
So, should you be worried?
Well, not quite as much as
you think you need to be. 
Ask yourself three questions
every passing day, instead.
What am I doing? (Awareness) 
How am I doing it? (Intention)
Why am I doing it? (Purpose)

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If I died tomorrow

If I died tomorrow, what would I be most remembered for?
Believe me, that is a question that I try to answer every day
thinking about the delicate fragility that tomorrow entails,
what if’s, could be’s—enshroud my thoughts occasionally,
not reminiscing the past but picturing my very last breath.

I may be remembered for the words that I mostly conveyed,
I may be remembered for my unrelenting state of calmness,
I may be remembered for efforts I made to lead myself well,
I may be remembered for the instances and people I escaped,
or, I may be forgotten from the next day of my non-existence.

It does not scare me as such. Yes! the thought of death I mean.
Nor am I scared of the uncertainty of the moments passing by,
what scares me is whether or not I’m living true to myself,
what scares me is whether or not I’m living true to my death,
the simple and single answer to which in most part is ‘yes’.

Polarity

Lie comes in different colors, shapes, and sizes,
more often than not, the sweetest of the sweet
which we can only crave for and regret later on
because the sweetness has a kind of tipsy toxin.

Truth dresses blandly, sometimes it’s even naked
subjecting us to the intimidating notions of life
which we know we need to accept with courage
yet we anxiously search for that toxic escape.

Esbapiaeth

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Escape.
Escape if you want to.
Escape if things seem wrong.
Escape into the reign unreached.
Escape from the dilemmas bestowed.
Escape from the guilt of living many lives.
Escape from all that you want to escape from.
Escape for as long and as far as you want to escape.
Escape until you find the lost pieces of your lost existence.
Escape, blocking out what is said, unaffected by the mockery.
Escape to meander, assess and rethink the values that you live by.
Escape, but try not to kill others’ hopes through your singular stampede.

Possibility

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Maybe all of us seek someone
to contain that we’re unique beings
in this universe full of magic.

Maybe all of us need someone
to make us love ourselves, despite
knowing that it is inevitable.

Maybe all of us await someone
to clean our wounds and heal them
even if we ourselves could have.

Maybe all of us want someone
to teach us the meaning of this life
while we could have been at it.

Slaves of the self

We believed, we tried, we began,
We thought change was easy
We convinced ourselves that it
was just a matter of few days,
We experienced satiation, upon
taking charge of our own lives:
a day, a week, a month, the rigor
survived but started to weaken
and one day, it died; exhaustion
had taken its toll on the carefree
misbelief that effort multiplies
on its own sans constant care,
that’s how we chained all our
beliefs, attempts, and actions ever.

Vivant

i am made of calm and chaos
i express dreams and disgust
i let go of ecstasies and ego
i survive wonders and windstorms
i smile of fearlessness and facade
i believe in magic and in mundane
i am thoughtless and thorough
i aim to exist as well as escape
i am living but i am socially lifeless

What if…?

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There’s one thing that always stays
in me, looming like the summer haze
the probability of “what will be…”
“what may,” and mostly the “what if…”
 
What if what I find meaningful today,
loses its weight in my eyes, as I open
those one morning after a deep slumber
into the dubiousness of this strange life.
 
I am scared when I have to think of:
the departure from my own purpose, 
from the meaning that it adds to my life
from the human being that it makes me. 
 
Yet, despite the horror and the fear
I seek, I relish, in the meaningfulness
I breathe and feel its fervor in my lungs;
I reminisce ‘was’, I live ‘is’, I await ‘will’.

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