Some instances can be haunting.
Some nights can be daunting.
Some moments can be taunting.
Yet tomorrow will be a redemptive new day.
They will listen to what you have to say.
As not what it seems but what you convey.
Do you know where I belong?
Maybe in the void of your
wrapped, amorous arms
where I can flourish freely
and breathe the fragrance
of your loving, giving being.
Maybe I belong somewhere
between you and your words
knowing that love isn’t always
spoken about, sometimes
it can be felt together, drowning
in each other’s unruffled seas.
Maybe I should be in between
you and the lone air lying next
to you, in the cold frosty nights
where I wouldn’t need to worry
about anything and I can feel
the most loved, the most homely.
How can someone love me so much,
in his senses and also in his sleep?
How can someone want to be with me
so much, in happiness and in despair?
How can someone long for me so much,
like a child longs for a sweet gesture?
How can someone believe in me
so much, more than even I myself do?
How can someone wait for me so much,
like a wisher waits for a shooting star?
I felt it streaming down slowly
when I was staring at the walls
of my existence, of me, the extant,
(those tears of ambiguity).
I felt it reaching out to me
saying something, as the darkness
was praying on the bits of me
(that squeaking inner voice).
I felt it dancing wildly to the
maddening notes of mayhem
as I was trying to stand still
(the stupid soul set on fire).
I felt it beating me to the core
with no ruth or reck of any kind
as I was going inside my shell
(the dubiety of my being).
“So where are we going?”
That question kept her thinking. She knew she had to answer that someday. She peeked within, searching for clues. But, it seemed that her inner voice was no help.
“I don’t know where are we going. All I can speak for is where we stand now. We’re at a place in our lives where vulnerability connects us and binds us strong. We’re at a place where we can find safety in each other. We’re at a place where talking about anything under the earth to each other, feels comfortable. We’re at a place where life has come to make us best friends.”
“Sure, we’re best friends” he responded, “but do you think that’s all?”
It had been months. He was looking for an answer, patiently, prudently. Hoping that someday she’d reciprocate what he felt for her.
“No, I don’t think that’s all. I know you like me and so do I. It’s out in the open.”
“So what’s stopping us?” he asked.
“I am scared you know. I am at this crossroads – one direction tells me to step back and lose you. The other direction asks me to go ahead and lose you. And, I am not ready to lose you. Are you getting what I am trying to say?”
“Go ahead!” he nodded.
“You see, now I can’t go back and tell myself I will be okay even if you decide to walk without me. But, I am not sure if I am ready to take that step ahead and walk along with you, love you. I am a difficult person to be with. I may be willing to work this out but sometimes, I tend to run away from things, even the things I love the most. That’s one thing I can’t change about me. That’s one thing out of my control. And, I am afraid that will sabotage you. Are you willing to embrace that difficulty?” her thoughts had a taste of concern.
Silence caught them off guard.
“Honestly, that’s something I have to think about too. But, I know I’ve liked you for long. And, now I know I’ve started loving you,” he could no longer hold on.
A feeling of reverence surged within her. She was happy but her eyes chose to tear up.
“If you never feel anything for me, I have to be prepared to let you go. There’s only so much I can do. I can give you my all but if you never happen to feel the same I have to move on. But, I have a feeling that we can work on building something beautiful if we are willing to…”
“Not that I don’t feel the same,” she cut him short. “I just maybe need a little more time.”
“Sure, you have it, but let me know before we run out of time.”
He bestows bliss on your being,
do you ever thank him?
He blushes when you smile wide,
do you ever pay attention?
He growls in pain to see you sad,
do you ever listen to him?
He cries when you break down,
do you ever feel him?
He happily shows up after hiding,
do you ever reciprocate?
He makes sure to love you always,
do you also love him?
He is the beautiful sky to your earth,
are you the sky to his?
I reflected, I pondered, I deeply wondered,
why would you do all those things for me?
That conviction, that protection, that care
while I clearly had nothing enough to spare.
I questioned, I doubted, I blatantly refuted,
“Do I deserve all this? Most probably not.
Will I ever be able to repay what I got?
Am I really qualified to embrace this feeling?”
I accepted, I welcomed, I finally believed,
in the selfless adoration shown towards me,
“Sometimes you have to simply take, for their
gratification not just for your own petty sake.”
I absorbed, I imbibed, I blissfully grew,
with the feeling of immense gratefulness
growing inside me as moments sped by,
I decided to let my wings flap, let myself fly.
I stopped fighting, resisting, ignoring
my own feelings owing to the reverence
that lay within, “Yeah, you sure like him too,”
the voice smiled, “…but will that be enough?”