Dead-end?

WhatsApp Image 2018-10-30 at 9.54.23 PM

Will this struggle ever take a shape?
Will this hollow feeling ever surface?
Shall these strangling moments pass too?
Would life someday be a little less ruthless?
Will the incautious river ever have an answer?
Will I stop hitting the rock-bottom at the dead end?

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Vivant

i am made of calm and chaos
i express dreams and disgust
i let go of ecstasies and ego
i survive wonders and windstorms
i smile of fearlessness and facade
i believe in magic and in mundane
i am thoughtless and thorough
i aim to exist as well as escape
i am living but i am socially lifeless

Belong

Do you know where I belong?
Maybe in the void of your
wrapped, amorous arms
where I can flourish freely
and breathe the fragrance
of your loving, giving being.

Maybe I belong somewhere
between you and your words
knowing that love isn’t always
spoken about, sometimes
it can be felt together, drowning
in each other’s unruffled seas.

Maybe I should be in between
you and the lone air lying next
to you, in the cold frosty nights
where I wouldn’t need to worry
about anything and I can feel
the most loved, the most homely.

Ambedo

My soul is swirling in the motions
of madness tonight
I can’t stop it or slow it down.
I tried asking it, “What’s the matter
with you, moron?”
And, it answered after a dose of
good convulsive laughter,
“Despite the pains of living that
you have inflicted on me,
despite the horrors that you have
dearly embraced,
despite the dilemmas, you’ve
put me in worse than death;
here I am,¬†alive, agile and awake.”
The vibrato of that laughter
has grown louder
and louder in my ears,
ever since.

Collapsed

i am not hopeless
i am angry at my fate
for testing my perseverance
time and again, undeterred

i am not helpless
i am disgusted at how
every step of the way
i have to prove my worth

i am not sad
i am bewildered to see how
life can be so ruthless in trying
to break me all the while