Perspectives, if that is what you call these

This is just the usual me thinking about unusual things,
trying to make peace with my heterogenous pieces,
wondering if whatever I am made of is genuine,
taking life one moment at a time, one day at a time,
not picturing how would it be if I was still the old me,
not peeking into how would it be if I renew my current self,
just being, remaining, relieving myself of the burden of not
having to think,
just getting acquainted with me a bit more than before,
maybe I never had the time for this or possibly the patience,
but now I am ready to think about anything under the stars,
I am ready to think about life and lifelessness, about magic
and the ordinary,
I am already thinking why I am alive, what could it be that
I am here to attain or maybe nothing,
What could it be that makes me more human than anything
else, than anybody else,
I ask, I answer, I comprehend, I run, I walk, I dream, I fear,
I possess, I let go, I think, I think, I think on.

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Mr. Skeptic Says

Yes maybe I want to be loved
to feel vulnerable and not care
to be told that I am special,
who doesn’t want to after all?

Yes maybe I want to love back
to experience the true form of joy
to surrender myself in compassion,
who doesn’t need to after all?

Yet despite all, I’m insecure maybe
Yes me, because I fear, I fear the
mystery of how things in life work,
well who isn’t unsure after all?

Confessions over coffee

“So where are we going?”

That question kept her thinking. She knew she had to answer that someday. She peeked within, searching for clues. But, it seemed that her inner voice was no help.

“I don’t know where are we going. All I can speak for is where we stand now. We’re at a place in our lives where vulnerability connects us and binds us strong. We’re at a place where we can find safety in each other. We’re at a place where talking about anything under the earth to each other, feels comfortable. We’re at a place where life has come to make us best friends.”

“Sure, we’re best friends” he responded, “but do you think that’s all?”

It had been months. He was looking for an answer, patiently, prudently. Hoping that someday she’d reciprocate what he felt for her.

“No, I don’t think that’s all. I know you like me and so do I. It’s out in the open.”

“So what’s stopping us?” he asked.

“I am scared you know. I am at this crossroads – one direction tells me to step back and lose you. The other direction asks me to go ahead and lose you. And, I am not ready to lose you. Are you getting what I am trying to say?”

“Go ahead!” he nodded.

“You see, now I can’t go back and tell myself I will be okay even if you decide to walk without me. But, I am not sure if I am ready to take that step ahead and walk along with you, love you. I am a difficult person to be with. I may be willing to work this out but sometimes, I tend to run away from things, even the things I love the most. That’s one thing I can’t change about me. That’s one thing out of my control. And, I am afraid that will sabotage you. Are you willing to embrace that difficulty?” her thoughts had a taste of concern.

Silence caught them off guard. 

“Honestly, that’s something I have to think about too. But, I know I’ve liked you for long. And, now I know I’ve started loving you,” he could no longer hold on.

A feeling of reverence surged within her. She was happy but her eyes chose to tear up.

“If you never feel anything for me, I have to be prepared to let you go. There’s only so much I can do. I can give you my all but if you never happen to feel the same I have to move on. But, I have a feeling that we can work on building something beautiful if we are willing to…”

“Not that I don’t feel the same,” she cut him short. “I just maybe need a little more time.”

“Sure, you have it, but let me know before we run out of time.”

Dandelion of my dreams

I am the dandelion of my dreams,
happy to fragment myself
for someone else’s happiness
I scatter, I fly, I taste freedom.

I am the dandelion of my dreams,
I am a frail delicacy you wish upon;
my existence doesn’t matter,
but my essence surely does.

I am the dandelion of my dreams,
woven with courage and calm,
I belong to the nurturing earth
knowing that the sky is my destiny.

I am the dandelion of my dreams,
you wish you had me always
but I was never made to stay
I was made to die, to fade away.

Thy Sky

He bestows bliss on your being,
do you ever thank him?
He blushes when you smile wide,
do you ever pay attention?
He growls in pain to see you sad,
do you ever listen to him?
He cries when you break down,
do you ever feel him?
He happily shows up after hiding,
do you ever reciprocate?
He makes sure to love you always,
do you also love him?
He is the beautiful sky to your earth,
are you the sky to his?

Behold

For this void shall always pertain
whether or not I shall remain.
For this existence shall always ask
more awareness so as to unmask.
For those thoughts will come and go
you will still be here, just know.
For these eyes shall always seek
the reality they don’t want to tweak.
For this name shall soon fade away
but the essence will find a way to stay
For every hour we shall live and die
like in the lows, like in the high.

Maybe

Maybe, maybe I am too afraid
to be ignorant towards myself,
maybe I cannot stand the thought
of attaching elsewhere to detach with myself,
maybe, maybe I am not meant to
cherish someone else before me,
maybe I am selfish or even mean
to not let go of my fear to commit,
maybe it’s meant to be this way –
I lingering in my presence, maybe not,
maybe, maybe certain things don’t change
maybe permanence exists, maybe not.

Will that be enough?

I reflected, I pondered, I deeply wondered,
why would you do all those things for me?
That conviction, that protection, that care
while I clearly had nothing enough to spare.

I questioned, I doubted, I blatantly refuted,
“Do I deserve all this? Most probably not.
Will I ever be able to repay what I got?
Am I really qualified to embrace this feeling?”

I accepted, I welcomed, I finally believed,
in the selfless adoration shown towards me,
“Sometimes you have to simply take, for their
gratification not just for your own petty sake.”

I absorbed, I imbibed, I blissfully grew,
with the feeling of immense gratefulness
growing inside me as moments sped by,
I decided to let my wings flap, let myself fly.

I stopped fighting, resisting, ignoring
my own feelings owing to the reverence
that lay within, “Yeah, you sure like him too,”
the voice smiled, “…but will that be enough?”

Life after death

I am finally able to bear my own weight
after crawling through a thousand storms
I may have been mocked during the process
ruthlessness may have been spewed on me,
my own being may have made me cringe
but I kept going on against all possible odds
not because I wanted to be known as a hero
I knew I never was, I knew never could be,
I just wanted to see what’s beyond the hustle
I wanted to uncover what lies after the battle
stops – that will the self, that with all else,
what I found was a plain simple truth that
I may have always known but maybe not,
only when I looked down in disillusionment
I could look at the picture of what lay above
only after having died at the moment bygone
I’ll be able to live in the one that comes along.

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